`2!'

Almost 2 whole years since i last stepped into this mulch called blog.

I read a little of what I had written.. wow. Didn't realize what a phylosophical little fucker I am. Pretty rather bloody deppressive sorta bugger too. Geez.

What's been happening? All I can say is: LIFE HAPPENED. Lemme try and summarize briefly below... I think i do this best as a list. Kindly refer below - in the strange...  ahh.. fuk it... its already 4am.. too sleepy already... to be continued... I hope I write tomorrow.....

Currently Playing Surfacing By Sarah McLachlan Angel see related

ANGEL

A beautiful angel has come into my life.

From far, far away.. she came, found and rescued me.

There was darkness and silence before...

I heard the flutter of angel wings and even the sweet voice of her reason.

I refused to believe because i was too grounded,

Too buried in purpose and logic.

But, she stood by... and made me believe again.

Today my world is a wonderful place.

I surrender to my helpless addiction of her smile.

The sweet warmth of her embrace.

Once more, I know love.

And it does not matter how or why or when.

No `if's'  or  if not's....

There is only the unmeasureable quality of eternity that words have no sensible comprehension for...

.. a beautiful place where hearts go n troubled souls rest. If only for a bit.

FRAGILE

Life is fragile. It's not even like a box of chocolates like Forest Gump says.. a box of chocolates you can always find out whats inside by reading the information on the box. If only it really were a box of chocolates.

In fact, its really a roullette table. You can more or less second guess where the ball is gonna fall next based on the scoring history, but are you really sure? Nope. Everyone takes a calculated risk.. which in the end really isn't that calculated now, issit?

Ask yourselves how many times you've deliberated over a certain issue and tried to consider all the possibilities - pros and cons, whether there'll be more or less money, who are the people i'm goin to work with??, would there be heart break involved?? But, in the end the final decision... would most probably be your first hunch. Either that, or it would be a decision based on the way you feel instead of a logical deduction based on hard core factual analysis.

The fact of the matter remains, that probably, maybe instinctually.. we all know that there are unseen forces far greater than our willpower to steer our little boats down the river of life . Forces that we come to know as.. fate, faith, god, love, hate, evil..... and many other names we give inexplicable overwhelming feelings or situations.

So, my dear friends.

Savour life and embrace all it has to offer. Love because you can, not because you have to. Rest hate with its fellow bad brother bedfellows.

Live life and have no regrets. Never be afraid. Always believe.

Trust fate and have faith enough to bet on your numbers.

listening to: (Malay Album)- Peter Pan.

FAMOUS QUOTE

Hope is the beginning of All Despair....

It really is you know... And still so many of us dare to hope. Why? because without hope there is no point to living. No expectations to work forward to. No tomorrow that promises to be better than today.

Hope is most often dissapointing. But, if you believe enough, it becomes faith. And your faith shall overcome and make you stronger in your belief.

Yet Faith shall overcome..

In the end.. its neither hope or faith that matters. Destiny must have been pre-determined ballot-draw in some sick game that God plays in his creation workshop with his fellow cellestial subjects.

But, maybe its not destiny but the determination He gave us to shape our destinies that really matters.

But I shall not want of hope nor need for Faith,

Because i hold destiny in the palm of my hand...

Currently Playing Hopes and Fears [Bonus Track] By Keane see related

I KNOW I KNOW... its been ages.

multiple millions of generations of bacteria have lived and died....

thousands of babies have been delivered into our dreary world while half their number of souls have been returned to the maker....

and another few hundreds of seconds have passed by since that last sentence...

Truth is, I've been really exhausted. So extremely tired from just... being alive and dealing with the day to day drill of going through the motions of what it takes to push me over the treshold into what would be known as tomorrow, another day.

Well... over this rather sober weekend, well except for crazy Friday night (when Steph got drunk and collapsed at TSB and us lot had to re-enact the whole scene from Luna bar i.e. carrying her out like a roasted pig.)... I have suddenly come to the realization that i need to settle down. And really it is this uneasy feeling of knowing where to go but not goin anywhere quick thats kinda got me kicking myself in the head.

So... I made a list.. Why do I always make lists?

I dun think i can share everything on that list...

But, here are some major items:

a) Mesti berjimat duit... but, how leh? (refer b)

b) Quit goin out without agenda so much. What's that mean?

c) it means... there has to be an objective for every single thing i do now. So, if i am hanging out with you... it means that i want something from you tangible or intangible. Dun be too alarmed - its a good thing too... it prolly means that i see you as a long term friend.

d) Detox. YEa.. feeling really unhealthy. Therefore, I must increase the gym dosage and cut down on lousy fatsy foods. I've also cut down on cigarettes and right now m suffering from lack of nicotine shock from 2 days of not smoking. Damn... i need one right now.

e) Infuse with culture. Its been awhile now since i've taken proper to the local and foreign arts scene. Will make a more concious effort to look out for plays etc. Will keep you guys informed of special activities which i think will benefit all.

f) I need to move out. Sigh.. this is a tough one. My apartment was supposed to be ready by now. But after the eons of delay.. they're only going to resume by mid year. That in itself throws my whole early plan out of whack. By hook or by crook, by coming new year, i have gotta.

Otherwise, i see my attitude towards life in a sure and progressive downward spiral.

Baby steps? no.

Just a little something something.